State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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