I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
