we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
