There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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