Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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