Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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