I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize