Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
