did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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