when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
