We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
