Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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