they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
