I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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