Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
