It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i now understand why vodka
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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