Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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