omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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