I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
