I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
