why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
