So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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