Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There r osticjed everywhere
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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