Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
