Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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