What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
