Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
