You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
