god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
