That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
