Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
