he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
