Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
