yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
