I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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