Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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