I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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