For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
