You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
