he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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