the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
