11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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