She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
