my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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