What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
