my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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