member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
