I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she looked like the before picture.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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