You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
