my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
