You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
