In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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