There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
