This is the prime rib incident all over again
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We have started to decorate penises.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
