I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
