my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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