Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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