Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
