sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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