I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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