There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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