Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
