clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
two words: eviction party
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
