dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
