i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
