Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Semen is not good for contacts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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