3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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