hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
