I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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