If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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