Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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