His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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