I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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