Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
