I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
