I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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