Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
