just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I supernannyed him into submission
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
