i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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