proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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