Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
