Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
