Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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