ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
