Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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