I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
